Cracks 02 Clear as Mud Page 8

  Part 12

  Tom Paris sat trying to eat his dinner without sighing. Not only could he NOT have any tomato soup, which he badly needed tonight, but if he did sigh, that would bring Neelix in a flash and he REALLY didn't want to do anything that would bring the Talaxian over in his direction. Just at that moment, Chakotay entered and headed over to him. *Great. Just perfect. Now I wish Neelix would come over!* Paris thought. "Lieutenant, may I join you?" asked Chakotay. Paris shrugged to show that he really didn't care and Chakotay eased into the seat opposite him. "I want to talk to you about B'Elanna, Paris," Chakotay said, while looking straight at him. Tom nearly jumped out of the chair in shock. "Is she all right? The ankle isn't injured worse than we thought it was, is it?" Chakotay looked at him interestingly, realizing that Paris' concern for B'Elanna was genuine. "No, Paris. The ankle's fine. It's what I sense happening between the two of you that I want to talk about." Tom's mouth nearly hit the table, it flew open so fast. "What IS happening?" "What do you THINK is happening, Commander?" replied Tom sarcastically. "I honestly don't know, Paris, but if you intend to treat her as you seem to treat every other woman that you have had a relationship with..." Chakotay's voice trailed off. "Is that a threat, Chakotay?" interrupted Tom. "No. Just a warning." With that, Voyager's first officer rose and left the mess hall, leaving behind a very angry Lieutenant Tom Paris. Paris sat in his quarters, going over the day's events. *Hell, admit it to yourself,* he thought, *it's not just today's events that are on your mind. It's B'Elanna Torres and what's been happening over the past few weeks.* He got to his feet and began pacing back and forth, but abruptly stopped when that reminded him of B'Elanna too. Wearily, he plopped back down on the couch and turned to gaze out at the stars, the only thing that seemed to calm him these days; however, even tonight, the stars didn't do the job. He found no relief there. No comfort. B'Elanna's face kept popping up before his eyes: the human B'Elanna, her vulnerable side revealed; the Klingon B'Elanna, her aggressiveness and loyalty; B'Elanna, laughing that wondrous laugh she so seldom let out; B'Elanna on the holodeck, covered in mud; B'Elanna on the holodeck in nothing but a wet shirt and underwear; B'Elanna sleeping in his arms; B'Elanna's face after they had kissed, just before the mudslide had hit; and B'Elanna's refusal to acknowledge him after they had exited the holodeck. Something in Tom's gut twisted. Then there were the dreams. The dreams he hadn't told B'Elanna about. The dreams of himself and B'Elanna together...Was it just a dream, or could it become reality? After he had left the mess hall, Tom had calmed down somewhat and thought over what Chakotay had said. Just what were his intentions where B'Elanna was concerned? Maybe Chakotay was right to question his intentions. Did he want a relationship with her that involved more than simple friendship? And if so, just how deeply involved did he want that relationship to be? It was a reality that he had to deal with, and Paris feared that reality. He feared getting involved with B'Elanna Torres. Why? He forced himself to do a self-examination, something he usually avoided religiously, because he rarely liked what he saw when he looked at himself. He'd had relationships with other women before. One or two that, at the time, he had thought might turn into something serious. But B'Elanna. She was something different. He enjoyed her companionship. Not because she was beautiful, although gods knew she was. Not because she was necessarily good company, because it sometimes seemed they spent more time arguing than anything else. No, he enjoyed everything about B'Elanna, he realized with unexpected insight. She was such a mixture of contrasting sensations. Paris came to a sudden realization that of all the things he had been mentally listing about B'Elanna that captivated him, her looks or curvaceous body were not what came to mind first. This in itself was a revelation. That he was attracted to B'Elanna, there was no doubt, but it went deeper than that. Tom leaned back on the couch, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. *Oh, Gods, I'm tired.* He thought back to when he and Harry had stepped onto the bridge and he had seen that ship on the viewscreen. Something very near to a panicked terror had coursed through him. And later, Harry had revealed that when B'Elanna had examined a playback of the ship, she had pretty much had the same reaction. *What's going on?* he wondered. Obviously, the assimilation had left them with some buried memories. Tom didn't know whether to be concerned or not. Opening his eyes, they fell on his datapadd, sitting on the couch beside him. Slowly, he reached out and picked it up. Looking thoughtful, he called up the file he had been working on a few days ago when Harry had caught him at it. Smiling, he realized that this was just what he needed to do. It was the right thing to do. He might be nervous about where this relationship -- if one could call it that -- with B'Elanna was headed, but his instincts usually worked pretty well for him. Maybe he should just go with them and see what happened. He checked his replicator rations. *I should have enough by now,* he thought. It was time to get on with his surprise for B'Elanna. He just hoped she wouldn't throw it back in his face. Torres entered her quarters, wrung out after a difficult day in Engineering. There had been one problem after another. It seemed there was no end to the problems that the magnetic field had caused the ship, but B'Elanna was almost grateful for the heavy workload. It kept her mind off other things, namely one Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris. She stopped suddenly, looking around. Someone had been in her quarters. Slowly she approached her bed. On it lay a large white flat box with a red ribbon and bow affixed to it. Hesitantly, she picked it up. It was fairly light. A small card slid from under the bow and fluttered to the deck. Retrieving it, B'Elanna read the handwritten note: 'I promised you a real birthday party. You are cordially invited to a private party for two on the holodeck tomorrow at 1900 hours. Formal dress required.' It was unsigned, but B'Elanna knew perfectly well who had written it. Opening the box, she pulled out a slinky, but tasteful, red dress. There was also a matching pair of shoes and red gloves. B'Elanna stared at it apprehensively. If Paris expected her to wear this...she eyed it consideringly. Some time later, B'Elanna still sat in her quarters, staring at the dress, which lay on her bed. She knew that if she accepted Tom Paris' invitation, she would be committing herself to something. And she wasn't ready for that something yet. Javier's words echoed mockingly in her mind: *Just a game, Chica. Just a game.* *No,* B'Elanna decided, *I can't do this.* Given Tom's reputation, even if he were truly sincere now about her, he would soon tire of her, and she would be just one more conquest under his belt, and he would move on. Decision made, she moved to the bed and picked up the dress. She knew she should return the dress to him, but just couldn't bring herself to part with it. Instead, she placed it back in the box, almost reverently, and deposited it in her dresser. Picking up the card, she took it to her desk, carefully wrote a message on it, then headed for Paris' quarters. When the door chime had sounded, Paris had yelled, "Come!" expecting to find Harry standing there. However, when the door had slid open and nobody appeared, Tom had stuck his head out the door and it had been then that he spotted the card lying on the deck in front of his door. An hour later, Tom was still sitting on his couch, the card clasped tightly in his hand, rereading the message for what seemed like the hundredth time, when his comm badge chirped. He absentmindedly tapped it but didn't say anything. "Paris?" "Uh, Harry, what's up?" "I was about to ask you that. You were supposed to meet me at Sandrine's thirty minutes ago." In Sandrine's, Harry frowned when his query went unanswered. "Tom?" "I'm on my way, Harry. Be there shortly." Before Harry could reply, Paris had signed off. Tom straightened out the crumpled card, staring at the message B'Elanna had left there. A message that made it vividly clear that she wished to remain friends with him but desired nothing more than that. He placed the card on his dresser with his padd that contained the rest of B'Elanna's surprise. *Looks like I won't be needing that anytime soon,* he thought, and was startled at the sharp pang of regret that flowed through him. At least there was one hopeful sign in all of this. She hadn't returned the dress. That must mean something.

  Part 13

  Harry looked up from the pool table where he
and Chakotay were engaged in a game when Tom walked in. Paris snagged a drink at the bar, then joined them at the pool table. "Everything okay?" Harry asked. "Fine," Paris replied shortly. "You sounded kind of funny over the link. Are you sure--" "Everything's fine, Harry, okay?" snapped Paris. Chakotay looked up at his tone, but said nothing. Sighing, Paris apologized, "I'm sorry, Harry. Just ignore me, okay? I'm in a bad mood." "Anything I can help with?" "I don't think so." Paris' gaze slid past Harry to connect with Chakotay's. As their eyes connected, Chakotay was surprised to read no resentment in them, given their earlier conversation; instead, there was...what? If Chakotay had to put a name to the expression he saw there, he would call it resignation. Unaware of the words that had passed between Paris and Chakotay the day before, Harry said, "Join us for a game, Paris?" Chakotay was surprised to hear him agree to a game. Hudson and Simms, sitting at a table near the entrance to Sandrine's, watched with interest when Lieutenant Torres entered. Both were becoming very adept at reading the Lieutenants' facial expressions. "Uh oh," Hudson remarked after B'Elanna entered. "Trouble in paradise." Simms pulled his attention away from Lamont, who was seated at a nearby table with some friends, to look at where Mikel was gazing. He took one look at Torres, then let his gaze wander to Paris. "Oh boy," he murmured, "neither of them looks very happy, do they?" "What do you suppose happened?" asked Hudson. "They seemed to be getting on pretty well on the holodeck." "Hard to say." Simms' attention drifted back to Lamont. "Why don't you just go ask her out," suggested Hudson. "Would the direct approach be such a bad thing?" Simms shrugged. "Something tells me that Paris tried the direct approach with Torres and it doesn't seem to have worked out too well." The evening quickly went downhill from the point when B'Elanna entered Sandrine's. Harry invited her over and, having no choice, she joined them. It had quickly become obvious to the others that there was an unaccustomed tension between Paris and Torres. Tom had been unusually quiet before B'Elanna had come in, but after she joined them, he had virtually clammed up, and as soon as the game was over, he had quietly excused himself. Shortly after Tom left Sandrine's, Neelix and Kes arrived, carrying what appeared to be pies. "Hello all," greeted Neelix. "We have a surprise for you. In light of recent events, I thought it only fitting that I make a favorite Earth dessert I read about." With a flourish, he held up his pie just as he was passing Hudson's and Simms' table. Everyone watched as the scene seemed to unfold in slow motion. Neelix tripping, the pie flying out of his hands. All eyes following the pie as it flew through the air and came to a landing. There was a stunned moment of silence, then snickers could be heard around the room as Neelix, apologizing profusely, climbed to his feet. The Talaxian fussed over Simms, who sat there in mortified silence, his face having taking the brunt of the impact with the flying pie. Seeing Simms covered in the pie reminded Harry of the holodeck and the mud. "Neelix, what kind of pie is that?" Turning to look at Kim, who was still standing by the pool table, Neelix said, "Why, it's Mississippi Mud Pie, of course." Mikel Hudson snickered. Ethan Simms rolled his eyes. Chakotay's lips twitched. Harry made the mistake of glancing at Chakotay. They both grinned. B'Elanna paused outside the holodeck, having escaped unnoticed. Neelix and the pie had been hilarious. She had forgotten herself for a moment and looked to see Tom's reaction, only then remembering that he wasn't there and the reason why. Her smile had quickly faded and now here she was -- alone -- again. Squaring her shoulders, B'Elanna strode down the corridor. She had made her choice and she would stick with it. But in her mind's eye, she saw laughing blue eyes and felt a strong sense of loss for something never realized.

  The End